Out of The Hat

Making the Ordinary, Extraordinary

Childish Fears

“But, Z, you hate babies.”


“I mean, you actually put them one above snot fruit (avocados) on the toxic list, because you are always saying they make so much more slime. You think they are icky. You`ve actually even said that, ‘icky’!”


“Then, why on Earth did you volunteer to watch that child?!? That`s my gig, remember? I like babies, you like kids 1-12, and Mom weirdly likes teens. What alien stole your body?!?”

“It`s not like that. I don`t suddenly love all babies. I just, I dunno, this is a freak baby or something. Every time he`s in our class, he doesn`t need a diaper change. He doesn`t throw up, or dribble snot everywhere, or make anything else nasty. He doesn`t drool on me, and he doesn`t scream and cry. He just looks around the first half of class, trying to climb the rocking chair and see what all the other kids are doing. After that, he goes to sleep. It doesn`t matter how loud it gets in there, he stays asleep through it all.”

“Whatdd`ya mean, no diaper changes?”

“No, he seriously doesn`t need them the whole time. He`s a miracle baby!”

Picture at sweetclipart.com

“It`s not normal. He`s supposed to drool, and squirm, and cry a little. Especially if you are watching him. Babies just look at you and start to cry!”

“Yeah. I know. Thanks for the kind reminder.”

“Well, I didn`t mean anything by it. I`m just in shock. People say weird stuff when they are in shock.”

“If you were in shock, you`d be shivering and blue lipped. You are only blue lipped because you tried weird lip gloss today, not because you are in any danger to your health.”

“It wasn`t supposed to be blue. It was supposed to be high gloss. How was I supposed to know that high gloss now secretly means blue? And I can`t get it off. It was made to last 24 hours, and somehow it is still staying on at the 48 hour mark!”

“Yeah. Well, your freak problems aside, I kind of like the kid. He`s actually more relaxed than the one and two year olds in my normal class. He`s like a solemn old man in a baby`s body. I dunno, he kind of cool for a naked mole rat.”

“Only newborns are red, wrinkly, and hairless. After a few weeks, they look like little toddlers! And you love toddlers, so I don`t get your problem with babies.”

“Well, most of them are just obnoxious. I don`t know, I kind of like this kid, so I guess they can`t all be gross.”

“So now you are asking to take baby duty during class? You are actually asking to spend more time with a baby? That`s not like you.”

“Even worse, I volunteered to change his diaper.”

“Oh, yuck, I mean, I like babies, but I`m not crazy. You couldn`t pay me enough. That`s why I`m not in there, teaching with you. I don`t like diapers, I just like playing with the kids. And I`m a baby person. That`s just not your thing!”

“Well, I think it kind of is now. At least with this kid. I`ll let you know when the next snot mongering upsets me enough to put me back in my right state of baby-hating toddler-loving mind.”

Have you had any big changes of heart lately? Who`s been inspiring you?

*rattle picture from imageenvision.com


2 comments on “Childish Fears

  1. mkesling63
    April 8, 2013

    Not really. I just see things better surrounded by more positives then negatives. It helps me understand things I didn’t before. The more I understand the better.

    • TheGreatZambini
      April 8, 2013

      Understanding is very important, you`re right. I see lots of negatives in the world, I just choose to focus on the positives because they really are more important.

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This entry was posted on April 8, 2013 by in Art, Photography, Poetry and tagged , , , , .

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