Out of The Hat

Making the Ordinary, Extraordinary

Civil War is Here!


What I`m about to tell you is a big secret. So big that a social war is being fought over it. A civil war going on under your nose, right here in America. Were you aware of this? Get the fluff out of your ears, now. I said, “There is a civil war in America!!!!!!!!!!” I know it sounds like I`m just being an alarmist, but it`s true!

There is a Civil War in America!

Right now, as my readers are calmly following wars breaking out across the planet (as they often do) from behind the shielding screen of their televisions and computers, few have noticed the fire building here. There`s been a storm a brewin` for the last few decades, and the majority of even my fellow Americans are completely unaware of!

Tensions are growing high in the halls of the regional legislature as the representatives of the offended area become irate at their lack of a vote. I believe it goes back to the famous quote of “taxation without representation”, one of the slogans of the American revolutionary war. Locals wouldn`t stick in the ‘American’ aspect, but I did it out of respect to my recent Australian and Belgian readers. Here`s looking at you, folks! (Casablanca Quote)

Here`s lookin` to you, kid.

Here`s lookin` to you, kid.

I`m not talking about D.C., also called the District of Columbia. Home to feuding politics and the capital of our portion of these green shores, they are best known locally for being the life of the party and the source of the majority of complaints on their rights. This is, of course, because the city technically isn`t a state in its own right, but property of the country`s legislature. That means that Congress directly controlls everything that happens in the city, and that the residents can`t vote. Bummer for them, but you kind of wonder that they probably knew about it when they moved in, so I always wonder what the point is of arguing after you signed up for such an offense?

No, I do not speak of them.

I speak of my people, of the residents of the part of the greater D.C. area (the stuff they haven`t marked on the map, but which is definitely part of D.C. The separation of the two is rather like saying every apartment building in NY,NY is not really part of the city at all, because it is the residential area. You can`t separate the two!)

The down trodden Northern Virginia section is pretty darn angry. I`d use a stronger word, because that carries the sentiment better, but then I`d have to blush. I couldn`t stand it if my grandma were to be searching around the web, and get the shock of her life because she saw such crude language on my blog. But believe me, the intent of crudeness was there!

We are angry, you see, because our representatives don`t get a vote. I know that may seem inconsequential to you at first, but it affects a ton of things. For one thing, the first time a MAJOR road here (a normal road is three lanes, mind you) got repaved or repaired at all in over thirty years, and only because a representative from another region of the state had to drive through here to get to the heart of D.C. He got a little annoyed, you understand. I certainly understand his feelings. I`ve been getting annoyed about cat sized potholes for years! Yes, a whole cat. I don`t mean width, mind you, I mean depth of the holes! Very upsetting.

Did you know, that even though our region makes up more than 70% of the whole state`s tax revenue, we get less than .3% back? Norfolk gets more money! northern_virginia-map

Another interesting fact is that all of the major cities in this region have been barred from being named ‘cities’ officially. This also goes back into why our representatives have no vote.

My favorite detail about this is that Northern Virginia has a larger population than Rhode Island! And though R.I. has very little land, they cram more people in per mile than one of those mini European countries. The injustice of it all!

I think the most aggravating part of the whole issue is the attitude. This area is still treated like a back woods and barely populated little country village. Maybe it was like that 100 years ago, but ever since the fifties this place has had some significant urban areas. The only difference now is that it is almost impossible to find any areas that bring rural living to mind, let alone an actual farm for hundreds of miles surrounding the region!

I know it may just seem like I`m an alarmist, but the rest of the residents in the area are getting mighty upset. I`m pretty sure that Northern Virginia will, in fact, secede from Virginia, and become its own state. Then won`t our maps look so funny when Northern Virginia will be south of most of West Virginia?

*As a note, ‘state’ has the same meaning of the Canadian word province. I`m not really sure what other countries call them. Anyone want to share their knowledge with me?

How is big brother government annoying you? What is just pushing all of your buttons lately?

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This entry was posted on January 27, 2013 by in [ ] Editorial and tagged , , , , .

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